decisions; period of time

This few days I keep thinking about my SPM(U) result.
The thoughts in my mind bring me another risk.
My Semester 1 result also.
I make up my mind first:
1. If my BM didn't get credit, I will leave nursing for good and do interior design.
2. If my Semester 1 didn't reach my minimum GPA score, I will also leave nursing for good also.
......leave quietly......
I can't take it when some incident in my head makes me remember that I every night before I sleep. It's difficult to let go especially it happen in front of me. Some more I will get terrified when I see dead body like my late grandmother funeral that period. I can never eat properly and I can go starving for 3 days if not mistaken (Last Office). It's hard to heal. 
It makes me think that nursing doesn't have a life. Even my friends pity on me and it's hard to get together with them. I really miss them back from the days we used to be together. I still like to travel and shopping... 
I still like designing in the sense that I mix colour and draw funny n funky stuff.
My Dad said before:

You don't do it to just earn money, do it with PASSION and love your job for many years to come... without regrets. 

I will tell my mom about it on Thursday after my morning shift... until then i will make my decision with her.  

------ preparing for afternoon shift, Signing Off...... <3 you ALL, Peace!!